Why I struggle

Just like most people, I struggle from day to day, not necessarily to make ends meat, but as a sales person whose income comes mainly from commission, I worry about the future.  I worry about my health.  I worry about my kids’ future.  From time to time, I think of the things my parents had to worry about, though.  I was a pretty sick kid.  I had my tonsils pulled out when I was in 3rd grade.  With one kid in 2nd and one kid in 4th, I can only imagine how difficult that must have been.  If I miss one day of work now, it sets me back a while.  What must life have been like back then?

As a kid, I wasn’t poor, at least it didn’t feel that way.  Before I was born, my parents were migrant workers. They would travel up North with other Mexican-American families to work in the fields.  They wanted a different life for me.  My father settled for a job as a Mechanic, and my mother took a job as a Secretary.  My dad’s boss, the owner of a small used-car dealership, ran for Mayor of Edinburg and won. He freaking won!  My father was asked to sell cars for him and later achieved great success in the car business. Before he passed away in 2006, he was the used Car Manager at Clark Chevrolet in McAllen.  Was it luck?  Was it my dad’s drive to provide the best for this family?  I don’t know.  All I know is that even when he was a mechanic, I never felt like I needed anything. 

Around the time my dad was learning how to be a sales person, my mom was sent to take classes to learn how to use some strange new contraption called the “IBM Mainframe Computer.”  Before this, she had only been in school for a short time to be a “Secretary.”  At the time, the computer was thought to be some over-grown typewriter that a Secretary should learn to figure out.  My mom became one of the first IT Managers in The Valley.   Again, was it luck?  

I often wonder what life would have been like had those two events not taken place.  Again, all I know is that I never needed anything.  I wanted a lot of things.  My parents were always there to tell me how wanting something and needing something were two different things.  These days, I struggle.  But, do I struggle to buy the things I want, or do I struggle to buy the things I need?  I know one thing’s for sure.  I’m teaching my kids to struggle.  They see me fighting.  Day after day, they see me fighting for something.  

In my mind, it’s for them, but do they know that?  I look back now, and I am just amazed at how much my parents did for me.  I’m amazed at how much they struggled for me.  I’m amazed at their accomplishments, definitely!  For me, though, there was very little change in my life from the time that I was growing up, the son of a mechanic and a secretary, to the time I was nearing adulthood, the son of a sales manager and an IT manager.  I look back now, and I don’t even remember the transition from living in a mobile home to living in the bigger home I left when I moved to Austin.  Where I lived, the restaurants we ate at, the trips we took, didn’t matter.  All that mattered was that we were together. 

Like most people, I struggle.  I want to provide for my family, and make sure my kids don’t ever need anything.  I never felt like I needed anything.  I always had food on the table.  I had a car when I turned 16.  My tuition was paid for when I decided to pursue my dream and move to Austin to attend the University of Texas.  I would give it all back, if I could have just one more conversation with my dad today.